


He Is

by Elvamire



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Internal Monologue, Kissing, M/M, Memories, Nostalgia, POV Second Person, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Study, Series 2 Episode 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:26:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1663010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvamire/pseuds/Elvamire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is not Rick. That is your first thought, when you kiss him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Is

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers up to Series 2, Episode 3. I figure I should warn for that since it's only been out a couple of days.

He is not Rick.

That is your first thought when you throw caution to the wind, fling yourself forwards, grab his shirt and let the momentum carry you to kiss him.

He is so not-Rick that it hurts, and his lips burn against yours. You should not kiss him, for Amy's sake, for the sake of Rick's memory, but stepping back now will not take the taste of him off of your tongue.

He is not Rick, and he leans into your lips instead of away from them and parts his own. They are chapped, but softer than his ever were. He lets you kiss him without pressing back so hard that you think he still believes he has something to prove, even between just the two of you.

You know, logically, that he should be cold, but since you both are its hard to tell. He is not Rick, but when his hands come up to cup the back of your neck you feel cradled and safe. Under his fingers the tight tension in your shoulders bleeds away with the dark, unsettled feelings that make your throat constrict. The world is so deeply, painfully unfair, and it is especially so for people like you. You lose and lose and lose, everything that you ever loved. Optimism is so hard when you're aching and exposed and vulnerable and nothing is going right, your walls shattered down and stripped away. But kissing him makes you forget it, forget everyone that's wronged you and yours, forget the guilt you still feel over Rick that's only exacerbated by just falling into someone else's arms. It should have been Rick. You should have been able to run to Rick.

But he is not Rick. He is not solid, steady reassurance and familiar smiles, and you do not think you trust him at all. He is not spring changing into summer and toys and bikes and your whole childhood incarnate. He is not hard muscle, soft eyes and every happy memory you have ever had. He is not whispers in the early hours and the quiet dark, scared and fragile little voices swapping secrets that they have never before had the courage to admit even to themselves. He is not the sweet sounds of a mix tape and his father's hand on your collar, the skin scraped off your knees by the asphalt when he threw you into the street.

But he is not staples in ruined skin and shattered bones in the sand. He is not harsh voices and fighting with his parents, _about_ his parents, and he is not the scars on your wrists.

He is not scared.

And what he _is_ , is here with you, in this moment, in the way that Rick is never going to be again. He is like you, and he accepts this like Rick never could, up until the very end. You feel like you think the same way, or at least, you did once upon a time; the purple track marks on his forearms stand as twins to the little white lines on your own. He is your mirror image and all the uncertainty that comes with it, the not knowing where to put your feet in your shiny new life with your old body patched back together.

What he is, is out with the old and in with the new, the breath of fresh air that keeps the cobwebs from your mind. You've been tip-toeing around mines just like your solider did for months now, afraid of the bombs in your head, but kissing him is like turning on the lights. It's electric, just like it was with Rick.

What he is, is unexplored territory to be mapped out. He is brand new. He is a stranger, and you have no idea what colour his eyes might have been before he died but you already know him well enough to know that he would never tell you. He is the here and the now, and he is passion and icy fire and a belief deeper than anything you have ever been able to muster on your own.

He is not all of the memories that are locked up inside you, crystal clear as the day they were formed. He will not every be any of that. But he is a possibility. He could be something else.

He is not Rick, but for the first time, you think that maybe he doesn't have to be.

He is not your past, but perhaps he could be your future.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, Rick and Kieren are my boys and my OTP and I love them to bits. I don't think the impact Rick had on Kieren's life is every going away; in my humble opinion, whoever he's with for the rest of his life is going to be compared to Rick (and yet I still tried). But I don't even think you _can_ compare Simon and Rick, especially considering Simon is not to be trusted and he's going to break his poor little heart I can see it coming.
> 
> I digress. I spat this out because I was bored in Physics revision but I was kinda proud of it regardless.
> 
> I have a tumblr: http://elvamire.tumblr.com/


End file.
